1. I don’t think most people choose same-sex attraction. I think people choose what they do with same-sex attraction. I wish they would choose celibacy, but I know this is one of the hardest discipleship choices to make. These folks should be really supported in our churches.
  2. I think there are probably some people who might not be able to change from same-sex attraction to opposite sex attraction. Yarhouse’s research shows it is those in the middle of the spectrum who have the greatest chance of change.
  3. I don’t think a bad relationship with the same-sex parent is the cause of homosexuality and that we should stop giving talks that say this. I know it sometimes is, but many times it is not. Teaching this drives parents underground, keeps them in isolation where they despair and can’t get help working through the issues.
  4. I think a person can have same-sex attraction, but be attracted to ONE person of the opposite sex with whom they can have a great relationship (including good sex life.) I know many times it doesn’t work though people try, but I am encouraged that it has worked for some. It is an interesting option we don’t talk much about. I think those who have same sex attraction think the only way they can marry the opposite sex is that they have to have the same sex attraction change to opposite sex attraction.
  5. Some say the goal is to help people move from same-sex attraction to opposite sex attraction. I think the goal is the Lordship of Christ. I am not saying God makes people gay and we should celebrate it. I would challenge those with same sex attraction to celibacy (high calling and I respect much more those who choose this) or to be aware that #4 above happens to some.

We (my husband and I) said a lot to our child after listening a lot, but these were two big themes:

  • We don’t want this to drive us apart from you or you apart from God.
  • We exhort you to be chaste and get accountability just like we do with our other children. This includes abstaining from porn and masturbation, which we don’t think you can do without accountability.